By the time this goes live, I will be off for ~7 months to Rutgers University, New Jersey, as an Endeavour Postdoctoral Fellow. I am working on invasive species, but I’ll write about that another time. The Endeavour Awards are the Australian Government’s competitive awards to support international exchange in business, research, or study.
No question, the fellowship is a great opportunity at this stage of my career (finished PhD in Dec 2016). I will be working on a new topic with an entirely new research group. This will give me a chance to develop new skills and expand my network. In fact, just seeing how a different university system operates will be an experience.
Although I am excited about this adventure, my purpose here is to raise a voice that we often do not hear from. A postdoc’s (and for that matter an academic’s) career is not just about them. It is often the family and support that make it possible for researchers to give so much.
In my case taking the scholarship wasn’t just about me. I have a partner, Laura, and we have a house (and dogs). My decision cannot be made in a vacuum and as such, we have decided (unfortunately) that I will be going alone.
For one, there was the financial consideration. The award provides about Aud$25000. This doesn’t sound too bad until you realise that travelling to the US and living in a place with a relatively high cost of living will consume about Aud$18000 in travel, rent, and utilities. If Laura came she would not be able to work as a nurse/midwife (her profession) due to registration constraints. But, more importantly, Laura has her own career ambitions and priorities. At this point in her career, it is in her best interest to stay behind.
I will enjoy the adventure. That is easy for me to do as I will be gaining those new experiences. I am immensely grateful to the taxpayer of Australia for the award, and doubly grateful to Laura for her support. She will go through the same separation pains without enjoying any of the cake.
Let’s hear from her:
We are in a Sydney hotel. It is business as usual, watching a movie after dinner. Dustin’s departure has not yet sunk in. He will be gone for almost 8 months and although this is not an overly lengthy period, it will both fly and drag (likely depending on my mood of the day). The longest we have been apart is a few weeks. Hopefully, I’ll get over to the US for a fortnight halfway through, then again at the completion of his research for a brief road trip.
It has been about 6 months since Dustin and I were sitting on the lounge at home, it was almost midnight, and he came across an overlooked email in his inbox. After months of feeling worn down by applying for numerous postdoc positions, Dustin had succumbed to the idea that attaining a position was futile. It seemed more to do with luck. So, he had started contemplating alternative career paths. However, on that night, he opened this email from the Endeavour team and read the content sounding half confused and half in disbelief. I proceeded to cry. I was happy for him, but in the back of my mind, having accepted that we were settled together heading down a different path, I knew this would throw chaos back into our lives.
Although Dustin is moving, albeit temporarily, across the world, I see his journey as being a new adventure whereas my journey will have a gaping hole in it where Dustin was. Some time on my lonesome may be beneficial for me. Having lived at home with my parents throughout university and marrying Dustin at the completion of 3rd year, then moving in together, I have never lived alone. For one it may make me tougher. I’m a person that brings the dogs inside, locks the house and closes the blinds at sundown like ‘I Am Legend’.
When I think about coming home from work to an empty house or speak of sharing simple “lasts” with him (like our last gym session, last dinner, last walk out of our house) I feel overwhelmingly teary and nervous. In the back of my mind I dramatize or catastrophize the situation. What if something happens to him, or me, our family, or our fur-kids and we lose valuable time together? What if after more than 11 years of marriage he enjoys his time away from me too much, especially mixing with people who I think are more intellectual than I and share his passions? What if he is granted an extension and our time apart is prolonged? The duration is short in the scheme of things, but it is difficult not to exaggerate the situation in my mind. I have a tendency to think in extremes.
All that aside, I will have no one to tell my hilarious quips to. No one to greet at home after work and offload my woes. No one to keep me feeling safe if I wake in the middle of the night thinking I heard a noise. No one to have my weekly movie and naughty meal with. No one to catch spiders in the house.
Communication will be both a key and challenge over the coming months. Communication naturally occurs when sharing a living space. So, the pressure of scheduling a FaceTime catch-up around time differences, shift work, and daily commitments will be an ongoing battle. My plan is to ensure we speak “face-to-digital-face” at least once a week (anything extra is a bonus) and use the magical methods of text/email for basic contact.
So… here we are in a hotel room in Sydney. Dustin and I are at a crossroads in our lives. We have an unknown future once Dustin returns from overseas. Being part of academia, Dustin is in an almost constant unknown and there never seems to be a clear line between work and personal time. Academia seems to be a never ending circle of job/research applications, short term contracts during which he’s applying for the next position before the current is completed. Dustin’s passion for his work is what keeps him going.
And yet the burden is not just mine.
Undoubtedly many others have been through a similar thing. We would love to hear how you met your challenges.
Dj Welbourne 